An old friend of mine broke up with me today. It was sad the way she did it, by email in a snarky tone. Honestly we hadn’t really spoken as friends in a long time after an incident where she laughed at something that made me upset. She, for me, was a much older sounding board, who not unlike my mother had very definite ideas about certain topics and was not afraid to share her point. I remember my mother used to meet these random women on the bus on her way too and from work. Striking up conversations with strangers who seem to be going through what you are going through gave her comfort and she is still friends with some of them to this day. So all of this makes me think of the old adage I used to hear that people come into your life for a Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime. I have had a few ‘Reason’ friends, and like to think that I have a bunch of lifetime friends but you never know what path each of us will take and where we will land.
I guess she was a ‘Season friend’, this person who broke up with me today. She came into my life shortly after my husband and I moved west and happened to be from quite close to where I was from so that was our common ground. She was dealing with a boss that was nasty and abusive, as was I and we were both working for the Government. A few lunches later and we were fast friends. She was gracious for the most part and we enjoyed many fun times. She was there for me and I was there for her. We weathered relationship issues, job changes and weight challenges over the years. She was a good friend, but she did like her wine. I believe she is an alcoholic but I don’t know that she believes that. And since she never asked for help or expressed an interest in stopping it never came up that perhaps she should slow down. But the incident that caused a rift for me was one in which she was wasted and laughed at my pain. I am an Empath by nature and can usually forgive easy as we all have our issues but for some reason this incident made me step back and look at this friendship in a new light. After some careful consideration I realized that perhaps she wasn’t the friend I thought she was. I gave it time and tried to move forward, hoping she would call or approach me to find out why she had radio silence from me but she never did. Time moved on and I mostly forgot about us talking because it had become so infrequent.
When I did finally write her an email to let her know why I had been so quiet she apologized in email back, but did not seem super sincere. In fact she made some pretty syrupy comments that I knew were nothing more than posturing on her part. I think she knows she has a drinking problem and that it was to blame, but didn’t like the way I confronted the situation and lashed out at me. She said in closing that she “hoped all my dreams came true” which was not the way we spoke to each other, neither of us are close to Disney princesses, so I jokingly wrote back to her about that and then simply asked her point blank if we were still friends. Her email back to me was dramatic and over the top saying essentially no – we weren’t friends anymore. It hurt, it stung and it made me mad to a certain degree. But after all is said and done, my resolutions this year focus on letting go of negative energy and moving towards a light filled existence. So perhaps this friendship is one of those things I need to move on from. I never turn my back on friends or relatives, even if they hurt me, it is just part of who I am.
At some point you have to be able to see the whole picture. She was a Season friend and that season has come to an end. Like when summer changes to autumn, there is a certain sadness with that, for the good times that have come and gone and the memories you take with you. I am so blessed to have so many Lifetime friends around me, as sad as this may be, I am letting it go and looking forward to spring.
bluefalling 