You have to stop
Those angry words with venom full
Slithering so easy from your lips
To my ears and through my brain
Just like they did when I was young
You have to stop
Demanding time retract its pull
Wearing your misery like a watch and chain
Made heavier by that ticking clock
That once seem to you to linger at midday
I have to stop
Trying to pull you from the river of rage
You treat it like a pleasure cruise
Tossing you my life vest that you ignore
Just like you did when I was young
Some things never change
Words still sting
Like rusty razor blades in old wounds
You know just how to gouge
Pass the blame to the wine
Compassion is lost
As his kind gesture is kicked away
Like dusty rocks beneath your feet
Act the fool
And feel not his shame
Just your own giddy nonsense
Leaving it to hang
In an otherwise silent room
Golden silence is lost in your drama
But his tears shout back
The disappointment of an angry child
Another celebration isn’t
Another hopeful promise broken
He wanted to believe in you
But some things never change
Broken doll
A disenchanted toy
Blank stare
Locked in a memory
Broken doll
Like a selfish child
Gravely indifferent
When the puppets dance for you
Broken doll
Expressionless gaze
The dusty toy box
Holds you in self exile
Broken doll
That painted smile fades
Discarded by the children
Who tired of your game…
Surrender the sadness
Held by ghosts of this place
It’s all shadows and down draft
In this overgrown space
Surrender the madness
That corrupted this ground
No one left now to torture
And peace can be found
Surrender the anger
Just a muse for the weak
Found a place in the world
And a voice that can speak
Surrender the burden
And cast off that pain
Let go of what’s gone
See what has been gained
In utero she was a burden
No love could ever fix
Born into uncertainty
She became the thing betwixt
Two worlds apart so separately
A romance left unknown
She begged for love so helplessly
Yet rarely was it shown
In love’s garden, unattended
Grew a stunted child not free
Punished by their malcontent
For a love that couldn’t be
This love child reflected back
His face so clear so clean
The two of them as one
She remained the thing between
Mom tells the stories
Of her own Mother’s unchained animal rage
Those wounds – still open
Drip the blood of fifty years of pain
I can’t imagine her dilemma
To love the woman who gave her life
Or hate the woman that stole her youth
Mom’s ranting feels more like the echoes
Inside an empty cage
Her mother can’t take back
The misery she caused
And perhaps wouldn’t if she could
But my Mom can forgive her now
Let her rage be dead
Because in the end
We are all touched by those around us
With love or hate
It’s better to forgive and move forward
Then stand still and let the animal engulf you
His spirit it now lingers
On the crisp air of this place
Like the way his ball would hang
That slight smile on his face
The green seems to have faded
Somehow lost it’s edge
The traps are that much deeper
Less useful is this wedge
I can still feel him here
This place he felt at home
His memory surrounds me
But I am teeing up alone
When I lose sight of my ball
As it climbs within the sky
I swear that I can see him
For his spirit it now flies
Who is this woman
Who gave me life
Who watched me grow
In the distant memory of my youth
Who is this woman
Who taught me strength
Who taught me courage
In the early stages of my understanding
Who is this woman
Who let me go
Who knew my heart
In a time before I knew myself
Who is this woman
Who now cowers and hides
Who is fearful
In the twilight of her years
Who is this creature
Afraid and distant
She is not the woman
I once knew
Watching her slip from me
This woman I no longer know
A faded vessel of substance and grace
Whose first lessons bore within me
A resistance to pain
A stoic and relentless desire to be loved
I crave from her the words she won’t say
Words she doesn’t know anymore
Pain eats at her heart but no longer holds me captive
I have made the choice, to not always find the darkness
In its encapsulating draw
It pulls at me, in the darkness of night
Calling me to come and wallow in its discomfort
An ache for the pain of normalcy
The familiarity of anxiety and worry
I fight it
I fight her, not with words or actions but with belief
Not all is lost, hope can abound
Even if she is lost to me – those first lessons hold fast
Against the coming of the night
His was always the love I craved
But my heart could never touch his
His was always the handed I needed to hold
But he would not reach for me
His were always the eyes I saw myself in
But he would not return my gaze
I gave the world all that I could
And fought to stand on my own two feet
His was always the praise I sought
But he turned a blind eye to my accomplishments
His cold blank stare kept me at a distance
His arms folded decidedly against his chest
His heart turned black at the mention of my name
His love was never meant to be mine
He might have given me life
But he gave up on me long before
I knew what it would mean to lose him
bluefalling 