You may catch me

Gawking, awkward almost stalking

Staring into realms beyond my reach

Trying to find the words I need

The words that bleed my brain

From inside out

I may be a stranger and in danger

Of accusatory stares and even

Pointed glares

As I steal into your eyes

To find the words; to find the phrase

To pull you from your haze and fix

The pain you feel beneath your painted smile

So I stare at you while

All along I know the risk I take

with every shaky move I make

Don’t want to spook you or enrage

So I choose to disengage but the empath in me

finds the way and forges on

someday they may find the cure

to fix the madness I endure

and the drama mama I’ll no longer be

For Dad

His hands are made of ash now
No form do they hold
No skin do they touch
No help do they lend
His eyes are shut and sleeping
And the dream is full
Of those that went before
Wide open green spaces
Filled with happiness and peace
While his ashes fill a box
Sitting atop a dusty table he once sat at
Holding court for those who miss him now
Those who defy their tears with angst
And refuse to let just his memory live
Rewind the clock
Ask him what you don’t want to know
How does the world keep spinning?
How does the sun still shine?
How does the breeze still flow?
When the hands you used to hold
Are merely ashes in the wind

Angels wait to greet you
As you surface in this place
Unsettled understanding
Drifts across your face
That final choice you made
To end the endless pain
A sin in the eyes of many
Your soul now has a stain
The light before you shimmers
Glorious warming light
The pain you felt, it melts away
As the angels hold you tight
Embraced by those who knew you
But left you long ago
Surround you now delighted
With new love now to show
So needed when alive
So loved and missed by all
The angels here to guide you
Will never let you fall

Gone ahead to find the trail

That leads us through the misty veil

Found some friends who went before

That now run free on a distant shore

Sky so blue and cloud so white

Every face so filled with light

We wait for you to join us here

But all our spirits are still near

Walk beside you as you stride

Our heads held high and full of pride

Never far away from you

Don’t ever doubt what love can do

We’re all connected at the core

We’ll be together again once more

Up the deep, sloping driveway

To the quiet green cottage on the hill

The chopped firewood in the garage

Where the jack rabbit hides

Calls to my memory

The hands that stacked it there

Years before

The wood shop still covered

In sawdust and shavings

I can feel him here with me

Papa

This house he built

Modest and rustic – is the place of my dreams

The rain barrel leans in earnest

Looking skyward – ever hopeful

As I will when my time is over

I will gaze skyward and be transported

To this place in time

Where the gentle hands and familiar faces

Of my youth

Will greet me

And welcome me back

I am the fear that makes you cower

In the darkness of the night

I am an evil found within you

Don’t care if you’re black or white

The light that lives inside you

Will die by my desire

To reduce the strength within you

To the embers of a fire

You can try and fight against me

With your poison soaked with pain

But even if you push me out

I will return again

I will take all that you love

I have no conscience and no soul

I am an empty sucking nightmare

I am an endless empty hole

Born of the devil’s dream

To take you all the same

I am an evil in your body

And Cancer is my name

And at the end

When I haven’t any need

For this body

I drift up, out, away

Past the people of my memory

Who went before me

Through the deep gentle mist of the next place

Into a garden of roses

Where I sit on a small grey stone bench

And await you

Time has no meaning here

I simply breathe in

The sweet rich aroma of the flowers

Until the mist parts

And you emerge