This isn’t an easy thing to write, especially to you.  You and I have been through it that is for sure and there is so much between us now I can’t imagine you changing so much I wouldn’t know you anymore.  I first want to tell you that I am sorry about that person who I let knock you around and I am not talking about me for a change.  I should have left that person sooner, but my inability to see past the fixing has been an issue for a long time.  You haven’t really caused the trouble for me, its me who causes the trouble for you.  I gave you what I thought you wanted not what I knew you needed and in a way you paid me back making me slower and less able to fix the problems I created.  You know that I love the parts of you that are the most feminine and significant in this society.  The curves that you give me to share with the world are strong, as I am strong.  Its just in the last few years when mortality became something that I really had to face that I realize we don’t really know each other and there is still so much to learn.  I have recently undertaken talking to someone who knows the most about this stuff and its with that person’s help that I am realizing that I need to give you, and me, a break.  I put so much pressure on you to be something you cannot change overnight.

Surgery was my go to answer for so long but I don’t think I really understood what that would mean to you, and your longevity.  You deserve better than that.  You know I am not stupid, just short sighted and emotionally inept in some cases so I just pile in the good stuff to make us feel better in times of grief and strife.  But in the long run, it ended up being bad for both of us.  Now I see that I need to make some changes to how we exist so that we can do that for the long haul.  Our relationship has always been about feeling better in the moment and not considering what the road ahead would be like, especially if we damaged our chances of being well because we chose to feel better in that moment.  I want you to be healthy and I want you to be free to move as you need to.  I understand so much more now.  That I need to nourish you with good, forgive myself for the bad and just let us be organically well. 

I promise from here on in not to feed you the latest Dr. Oz fad, to give you good things and to make better choices.  I pledge to give us more of what we want and need and less of what we don’t.  I promise to move around with you and keep you straight and also to give you rest when you need it.  I need you to promise to be here for me, to help me stand up straight and stay strong.  I know I have been filling you with western toxicity under the guise of making us stronger together.  But I think some eastern answers should not be overlooked.  You should know that I have a plan to adorn you, again, with permanent ink to show you and I guess the rest of the world that we made it this far and together we should be able to make it another 35 years or so, maybe longer if I keep my promises to you.  Either way I want you to know that I don’t hate you, even though I talk about how important it is to me to change you.  That is more about society’s judgement than my own desire.  You may not be the picture of beauty and health, but you are strong and you are able, and after all we have been through, that is really saying something.